The Greatest Joke I Ever Heard While on a Ski Lift
by Joe Váradi
He introduced himself as a sales manager from Northern Virginia. The gregarious, instafriend type.
When you’re paired up with a stranger on a ski lift, haplessly trapped under the same metal bar, dangling above the same arctic abyss, fidgeting with fogged-over goggles and snow-caked giant gloves just to pass the time, it is always a treat when your blind date for the next three minutes demonstrates conversational aptitude beyond “Great day for skiing. How many runs did you get in so far?”
Place from whence we drove to the slopes that morning — check. Weather — check. Career — check. Family — check.
We glanced up toward the mountaintop. Another minute or so left to go, and — never one to concede defeat to the onset of awkward silence — he had the perfect filler all queued up …
A young man walks into his favorite corner pub in Dublin. He walks up to the counter, orders three pints of Guinness, brings them to his favorite table. Has a sip of one, then a sip of the second, then a sip of the third. Repeats this until he slowly finishes all three.
On his way out, the bartender — who is new to the pub — asks him, “Don’t mean to be rude, but why don’t you order them one at a time?”
“Oh, it’s my two brothers and I, you see,” replies the young man, “we’ve been coming here for ages, we’d meet here every Friday over a couple of pints of stout. But now, one of them is off to America, seeking his fortune. The other is with the Naval Service, out at sea most of the year. So I come back here on Fridays, to keep the family tradition alive.”
Weeks pass, the young man returns, but this time he orders only two pints of Guinness. Brings them back to his table, drinks them in his usual way.
As the rest of the patrons take notice, the chatter dies down, and a somber mood descends on the place. On his way out, the bartender stops him again. “Listen, on behalf of all the guys here, just want to express my sincere condolences for your terrible loss.”
The young man appears puzzled, thinks for a bit, then looks up at the bartender with a smirk and says,
“Oh, no, my brothers are fine. It’s just that — I’ve decided to quit drinking!”
Thanks for your attention!
I guess this is now officially a series …
